"Today is a glorious day for the students of Ohio States University as for the first time in history, we have a student who scored an average of 4.0 throughout his three years of degree, while scoring well academically, he also exceled in football and helped the team to qualify for the national championship. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Alexis Matthew."

Alexis Matthew, grew up in an orphanage since birth without knowing who his parents were nor who they were other than this little iron tag hung around his neck when George Jackson of Sunny Orphanage found him on their doorstep. Alexis is a unique child with unknown personalities, sometimes he would hide himself in the room where all the other kids screaming their hearts out in the field, sometimes he plays the grand piano where everyone in the orphanage will sit around him and be mesmerized with those unique melody of his.

His ability to learn is tremendous where he would process everything like a super computer, he never fail to ask what he doesn't understand. Nobody knows how many degree he completed but to date, he completed 7 degrees of different field of studies at the age of 26. He holds a degree in Philosophy, Fine Arts, Musical, Business Management, Financial Economics, Biochemistry, and the latest, Computer Science. He travels from university to university, seeking knowledges that he might be interested but he never attend his graduations as if he was never there.

Today, on a sunny afternoon, Alexis stood tall in the middle of the Big Apple munching on his Meat Ball Marinara Subway sandwich and sipping his favorite Old Joe Espresso. When Tanya Ann bumped into him accidentally, it marks the beginning of his new life and this story........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The moment I looked into her eyes when she bumped into me at the busy street of New York City, her hazel eyes immediately caught my attention as we looked into each other's eyes. At that moment, I can even hear her heartbeat and then I asked "Are you okay?" while blushing of course, I can never forget her answer as she smiled and said, "I will be fine as long as I am treated to a cup of coffee at Old Joe's". That's how it started, the world and us.

I could feel that she is the one for me without having second thoughts. To my surprise, she never ask of my background or my family, all she cared about is me, and nothing else but me. Every morning, I would wake her up by playing her favorite song, Somewhere Out There by James Ingram with the piano we have in our small apartment, she would sing along the moment she opened her eyes. That's how we start our day in this small apartment, with joy and love everywhere. And by night, I will hug her tight and watch her favorite Sitcom, Friends on the DVDs we bought over the internet. Tanya is a fantastic chef, I love the way her omelets and steak is done. And every time I put them in my mouth, she looks at me with the sweetest smile ever that melts my heart. This is when I realize I would die if she were to leave me.

Like every other morning when Tanya woke up and kisses me on my forehead, she did not know that I had planned something for her, secretly without her knowledge. It has been a week now since I planned the whole scenario. Right after Tanya went out for work, I called up all our friends and met up in our apartment. I gave everyone a stalk for Tanya's favorite blue rose and waited for her at her work place during her lunch break.

We stood outside as she came out of the lift, one by one, our friends walked up to her and pass her their roses, till the very last stalk. I walked up to her and hand her the final rose and proposed to her on both knees.

"Tanya, it has been a while since the day we bumped into each other and now we are here standing and smiling at each other with memories flying through my mind as if it was yesterday. I love the way u kiss me on my forehead when you woke up, love the way you hugged me tight while watching our favorite sitcoms, love the times we held hands as we stroll through the parks and look at the kids play while wishing that they are our's, all the sweet times we had together and now, I believe that we are for each other, and before all our friends here today, Tanya, will you allow me to put this ring on your finger?"

She looked at me with tears flowing off her cheeks and nodded before running towards me. I felt like it is the happiest moment of my life, I have nothing to lose anymore with Tanya in my arms.

As we planned for our little wedding with our friends, me and Tanya went out to the theater to catch this show by "Miracle Happens" and we actually did enjoy the performance even though the story is pretty boring. This movie marks another change in our lives.

Its just two weeks from the wedding at the park and both of us are ready to get married with our friends as our witness. To me, the best wedding gift would be blessings from all our friends and of course, a kiss from the lady herself. Things actually went well, too well in fact that I could sense something coming and it actually bothers me a lot as time goes by.

As Tanya is in deep sleep, I couldn't stand the instability in my mind as I tend to think of my very awkward past. Nobody, even Tanya, knows about my real past, despite my performance in my career and my education, I was never a happy person. My mom was hacked to death right before my eyes when I was just 7 and dad lying on the ground emotionless. I hid under the bed but I could never forget the look on mom's face as she looks at me on the ground, regardless of the pain she is enduring, she looked calm as she believes that I am safe. And now it flashes back into my head, why can't I do something to save them? what can't I turn back time to the wonderful times before?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alexis screamed in pain as undesired memories over flowed his head, he couldn't stop hitting the wall with his bare fists. Tanya was awaken by the commotion and she was stunned the moment she saw what happen to Alexis, with blood all over his fists, and forehead, she couldn't hold her tears back and hugged Alexis so tight to prevent him from hurting himself further. However, she was pushed and hit against the wall and passed out.

The moment she wakes up, she couldn't see Alexis in her sight, all that she sees are the friends with a concerned look on their faces. Tanya asked Jeffrey, a close friend of their's on what happened to Alexis, all Jeffrey could do is just hug her tight and tell her that Alexis is now in the Mental hospital for confusion over his past and present. Tanya broke down and insisted on her decision to be by his side, regardless of their situation, for the sake of their love they once promised each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From now on it will be on Tanya's perspective.

I could not remember how many days since Alexis' gone mad but here am I again, standing next to his cubicle playing our favorite song using his guitar, every time he looked at me with those blood filled eyes, all I can feel is the tear deep in my heart because I can no longer see the tenderness and love in his eyes, and all I can see now is pure confusion and madness. I could not stop my tears from falling as I sing, it all seemed to be just a day ago, all the fun, love, and special moments we shared but its gone now.

Again, Alexis is banging his head against the wall, though its cushioned, but every time he banged against the wall, my heart aches. Then again, I left and hoping to see him tomorrow, with hopes that he will recover so that we could go on with the wedding, the wedding that we both anticipated.

Days gone by and I sit quietly outside his cubicle, his hair turned grey, so does mine, without realizing, it has been 10 years now ever since the incident, the love between us did not stop just there but it grew as moments of our past were always in my mind to put a smile on my face.

Well, at least I get to spend my days with him, though its different, but our love will always be there and will never fade away.. till death do us part..

Fell on the bricked road of Jalan Changkat here in Kuala Lumpur with a heavy head is not gentle to my butt but after countless bottles of Tiger, my body just couldnt respond well to my mind, if my mind is working that is. Suddenly, thoughts of Angelica came into my mind, the moments we spent together on that little island called Perhentian Island. Due to its weird name, I couldnt forget my experience there with Angelica, especially when we saw two turles swimming side by side as if they are a couple. We looked at each other almost immediately and hugged tightly before we kissed to this very wonderful sighting with the sunset as our backdrop.

Our seven days trip there was the best times of my life with the perfect company, the perfect surroundings, and of course, the perfect mind set as well. However, it did not mark the beginning of our love but it marked the end of Angelica's life. As Angelica initiated the trip, I found out that she was diagnosed with breast cancer when we got back to Italy. She wanted the trip to be a last moment for us, she didnt want to have any regrets before she goes back to the arms of God. Little did I know about her sickness, she smiled at me when I found out what was happening and told me this, "Randal, its okay, I will be fine. Even if I am gone, you will still remember the times we had, will you?". All I can do is just let those tears flow down my cheeks as I look at her, she wiped my tears away with her tender touch and gave me a smile that I will never forget.

Now, I am back to the island to slowly gather pieces of our memories, to pick up what we have left behind, and to cherish what this wonderful island left for me. I couldnt hold back anymore when I was checked into The Lodge and head towards the bar for a few beers to forget the pain of losing the love of my life, Angelica. Her every actions, smiles, touches, and her very soothing voice, I couldnt believe that all these have been taken away from me. As I down my beers, the more I thought of her. I could feel the tear in my heart, feeling helpless and breathless, tears fell off my cheek once again but this time, Angelica is not here to wipe it away.

My love for her can never be explain in just words, but my memories could. Everytime I thought of Angelica, my heart would beat with serenity as if she is here with me, in my heart. I could feel her embracement whenever I closes my eyes. I never knew how much she meant to me until this very day where everything doesnt seems possible anymore.

Today, I stood right infront of her grave praying for her wellbeing when she is in the arms of God. I promise her that one day, I will be there with her, to love her, to embrace her, like I never did before. For our love that will never perish.

Its wasnt long till I found a reason to live, a reason to stay on, a reason be apart from the man I love. I found his child, our child, right here in my womb where I feel his heart beat and feel his every movement. I would talk to him, tell him stories about his dad and me, about how we met and how we went on to be in love. Eventhough I ended up in tears every single night while telling Little Samuel our stories, I can feel him comforting me with his heart beat, its like him saying " Momma, please be strong!"

Days like that went on till baby Samuel was born, he looks like his father so much even at this tender age. I couldnt held my tears back when I saw baby Samuel looking at me with those shiny little eyes of his. It touches my hearts as if it was his father who was smiling back at me from heaven.

On his very first day at school, Samuel stood strong and did not cry like other kids because he knows that he is stronger not only at heart but also at mind. Samuel did not dissapoint me at his studies and he worked hard for it eventhough he is a slow learner. Samuel learnt it all from his dad.

Now, Samuel is married with two kids to accompany me at home where I will tell the story of how me and their grandfather met. I am glad that I did not end my life or else I wouldnt have all these wonderful children around me. I still look up to the sky and wonder if he is still looking over us with his cheerful smile.

They met each other on the busy road of Manhattan
They fell in love the very moment their eyes met
They kissed and they loved
Its not the beginning...
It might be the end...

Its never easy to find someone you love but its always harder to keep the one, that very one. He is Tom Koshak, we met each other while I am on the way to visit my sister, Annie on the 23rd of November year 1999. He has this sweet charming smile on his face that catches my eyes when our eyes met. I never thought that a man can be so attractive and so I guess, I am in love. To my surprise, he asked me out for coffee on the next day after he asked for my number.

I found out that we have so much in common and we just couldnt stop talking our hearts out. Its was like we are friends since childhood, and the way he talks, moves and laughs caught my heart and made me fell deeper into this ocean of love.

We went on dating for like two years and decided to get married on the 15 of September year 2003 which is my birthday, I guess he wanted to help him remember our anniversary easier. But the happiness did not last long, Tom was involved in an accident while he was on duty at New York. It shattered my heart and I cried day and night before his parents and I went to claim his body at the morgue of Albany Memorial Hospital. I never knew this would happen to me and I dont like this feeling, I shook his cold hard body trying to wake him up. I shouted at him but he laid there emotionless. Alison had to bring me out while TOm senior takes care of everything.

He was buried on the 15th September, our supposed wedding day but it became his funeral instead. I visits him everyday with a sun flower in my hand, it reminds me of our sweet memories whenever I looked at his tombstone. The times we shared, the dinners we had and even the coffees we loved. Everything is perfect but not the accident, if only I could turn back time and bring him back to me.

After flipping through his diary and suddenly I saw this page where he said that he was going to New York not for official duty, but to get the ring I have always wanted as our wedding surprise for me. Tom have always been sweet to me, but it tasted like dark chocolate now with this ring, its so sweet but yet its bitter. I couldnt stop crying, part of our memories fled through my mind like a slide show. I wondered if I should just end my life and love him at a different place.

To be continued.......

There's this saying from the elders in my village that goes like this "A man should only shed his tears for the one he love, A man should only bleed for the land he grew up with". One of the Elders, Zonga Domi, he lived through the toughest time of the village where we fought with the other village, Poponga for the cattles, food, and women. He was our best warrior who fought for our dignity and pride. But he shed his tears night after night not for the lands he failed to protect but for the women he failed to love. And her name is, Shamela.

47 years ago......

Zonga was known to be one of the best warriors of Zirmog Village at the age of 20, he fought hundreds of men to get what he achieved but not the one he admired. Her name is Shamela, daughter of the village headman and she is known all over the village for her beauty and kindness. Zonga fell in love with her the moment he met her, although there were sparks of romance and even the village headman agreed to their love but it did not last long when their rival village Poponga raged a war for the herds of cattles Zirmog owns.

As a warrior of Zirmog, Zonga stood out to protect the land and dignity of the people of Zirmog, Zonga was wounded again and again, but he stood up every time to protect the land he grew up on and for the women he love. On a few occasions where his life was at stake, Shamela appeared in his mind and it was Shamela who kept him fighting and motivates him to stay alive.

Zonga's hardwork paid off and Zirmog was safe from the invasion but Zonga was left heart broken, Shamela was killed on the night before by people of Poponga as a revenge for the loss in the war. She was killed when the Popongas burned their hut into ashes and she left nothing for Zonga.

Zonga was devastated by her death, even the victory couldn't lift his spirit. He sings the song they both loved which is Zirmog's folk song to get her spirit back to him day after day. He shed his tears night after night while humming the favorite song. Nobody know their love was that strong, not even Shamela's parents.

Zonga never get married to show his love for Shamela, he promised to fight for the land they grew up and fell in love with his life in every war and he succeeded not only in defending their land but also their love.

Today, I looked at Zonga in his eyes, I saw alots of stories and lots of tears. On the night before he left for Shamela, he smiled as if its the best thing on Earth that he is getting. He told me that he could see Shamela waving and smiling at him. He held my hands tight and tell me, "Jorja, I lived my life as a warrior to defend my land and the one I love, eventhough I was left alone after her death but I live to defend my home, it was her who keeps me alive because we both know, Zirmog is a land where we fell in love and its where we want to end our lives. Jorja, fight not for yourself but for the one you care."

He left after saying it to me which left me wondering for days... Love keeps us alive! Not only for the one we love but also for the land we love.

"Donny Fernandes! Where have you been all day?!" These are the words from my beloved mother everyday after I got back from my trekking trip at the secondary forest near our home when I was 15. Mom wasnt very supportive with me stalking animals and collecting leaves from the secondary forest, The Summomo.

At the age of 35, I came back to my home where mom and dad used to tell me of what to do and what not to do. The rocking chair where dad reads his daily feeds and mom will be screaming at him asking him to clear the table for dinner. I will be there looking at both of them with a smile on my face wondering whether me and my wife will be like this as well. Those days were sweet but not anymore when the rocking chair is always vacant and I missed them dearly.

I sat on the dust covered sofa and thought of what dad used to tell me, "Donny, papa wasnt very sure what mama did to make papa marry her but for sure that papa did not regret marrying mama. So, when you are big and strong like your papa, marry someone you love and will not regret." And whenever he says that, he will look at mom and smile even when she's not noticing.
I cried, my tears fell off my cheeks because dad didn't live long enough to see me wed, I still remember the smile on his face when he was on the bed with tubes all over him. I held his hand tight as he hums my favorite song when I was still a kid. I can see from his eyes that he wants his Donny to be strong just like him but at that time, I just couldnt hold my tears back as I know this could be his very last moments. God was being mean, he took dad away after dad finishes the song.

Dad taught me how a man should live and how a man should treat the ones he love. I looked out at the window and smiled at my seven year old daughter, Michelle and my wife, Noireen and ofcourse with mom in the middle.

Papa, your Donny found the one he will never regret loving. I miss you papa.

I would call you up every Saturday night
And we both stay up till the morning light
and we sang, "Here we go again"
and the time goes by
I will always be
In a club with you
In 1973
Singing "Here we go again"

Waking up to the tune of James Blunt's 1973 reminds me of the past, I looked out to the window and I saw nothing but tears of my eyes. I then stood infront of the mirror and all I can see is a paled looking Donavan Demitre. Yes, I am Donavan, who lacks the will to live after my wife, Emily passed away in an accident who took her away from me.

In the suit that Emily bought for me at Robinson's, I walked alone on the pathway where we used to walked together with her arms around mine and whispered "its cold" and that's when I will hold her tight and never let her go. David, my best friend since Elementary schools told me not to live in the past but enjoy and treasure what God has for me, but how could I? Emily's been there for me when I am fragile, when I am strong, when I need someone to share my joy, and when I need someone to mend my broken heart. David would just walk away and sigh whenever I speak of Emily.

Perhaps I need to move on, perhaps...

A bite of the chicken sandwich from The Olburn reminds me of the smile on Emily's face when she's preparing our breakfast. Again, I felt so fragile and useless without Emily in my life, I knew that Emily wouldn't want this to happen but how am I to live without her? how am I going to survive without her encouragement? How am I going to enjoy the happiness to the fullest without her sharing it with me?

I tell myself, I need to move on..

I realised that I can still live without Emily but memories we shared still lives in my heart. I know I can be stronger when she looks at me from Heaven. David rang me up for a drink at Jim's, he told me that I am different now, am I? We drank and we talked about how we grew up and the times when we used to be naive and innocent, we lived everyday as if its our last. I guess I can do it now too, I want to live not to make myself feel better but to see her smile everytime I close my eyes.

I guess, I moved on..

Today, its raining and I stood infront of the grave with her favorite flower, telling her how I lived through the years without her and how much I missed her smiles and the scent of her hair. I thought I saw her when I looked up into the sky when the sun came out after the rain, she was smilling at me just like how she smiled at me on our first date! Again, I cried but with a smile on my face and I promised her that I will live my life the way it should be and tell her the story when I see her in Heaven.

I cried, I smiled and I lived...