Its wasnt long till I found a reason to live, a reason to stay on, a reason be apart from the man I love. I found his child, our child, right here in my womb where I feel his heart beat and feel his every movement. I would talk to him, tell him stories about his dad and me, about how we met and how we went on to be in love. Eventhough I ended up in tears every single night while telling Little Samuel our stories, I can feel him comforting me with his heart beat, its like him saying " Momma, please be strong!"

Days like that went on till baby Samuel was born, he looks like his father so much even at this tender age. I couldnt held my tears back when I saw baby Samuel looking at me with those shiny little eyes of his. It touches my hearts as if it was his father who was smiling back at me from heaven.

On his very first day at school, Samuel stood strong and did not cry like other kids because he knows that he is stronger not only at heart but also at mind. Samuel did not dissapoint me at his studies and he worked hard for it eventhough he is a slow learner. Samuel learnt it all from his dad.

Now, Samuel is married with two kids to accompany me at home where I will tell the story of how me and their grandfather met. I am glad that I did not end my life or else I wouldnt have all these wonderful children around me. I still look up to the sky and wonder if he is still looking over us with his cheerful smile.

They met each other on the busy road of Manhattan
They fell in love the very moment their eyes met
They kissed and they loved
Its not the beginning...
It might be the end...

Its never easy to find someone you love but its always harder to keep the one, that very one. He is Tom Koshak, we met each other while I am on the way to visit my sister, Annie on the 23rd of November year 1999. He has this sweet charming smile on his face that catches my eyes when our eyes met. I never thought that a man can be so attractive and so I guess, I am in love. To my surprise, he asked me out for coffee on the next day after he asked for my number.

I found out that we have so much in common and we just couldnt stop talking our hearts out. Its was like we are friends since childhood, and the way he talks, moves and laughs caught my heart and made me fell deeper into this ocean of love.

We went on dating for like two years and decided to get married on the 15 of September year 2003 which is my birthday, I guess he wanted to help him remember our anniversary easier. But the happiness did not last long, Tom was involved in an accident while he was on duty at New York. It shattered my heart and I cried day and night before his parents and I went to claim his body at the morgue of Albany Memorial Hospital. I never knew this would happen to me and I dont like this feeling, I shook his cold hard body trying to wake him up. I shouted at him but he laid there emotionless. Alison had to bring me out while TOm senior takes care of everything.

He was buried on the 15th September, our supposed wedding day but it became his funeral instead. I visits him everyday with a sun flower in my hand, it reminds me of our sweet memories whenever I looked at his tombstone. The times we shared, the dinners we had and even the coffees we loved. Everything is perfect but not the accident, if only I could turn back time and bring him back to me.

After flipping through his diary and suddenly I saw this page where he said that he was going to New York not for official duty, but to get the ring I have always wanted as our wedding surprise for me. Tom have always been sweet to me, but it tasted like dark chocolate now with this ring, its so sweet but yet its bitter. I couldnt stop crying, part of our memories fled through my mind like a slide show. I wondered if I should just end my life and love him at a different place.

To be continued.......